Welcome to Maine Family Times
Nadine Reimer, Extension Educator

Welcome to the first issue of Maine Family Times, a newsletter from University of Maine Cooperative Extension for families with children aged five through eighteen. Our goal is to provide you and your family with information to help you develop and maintain healthy relationships. We will also share information to help parents nurture themselves, because caring for yourself is an important part of parenting.

Families are people who share a common bond, relationship history, and connections with one another. Whether you are a single parent, part of a couple or a multigenerational family, whether you have young children or children ready to move out on their own, Maine Family Times is written for you. Our focus for this issue is making time for family.

Families are effective and demanding training grounds—every family has ups and downs. Good or bad, common experiences allow families to grow in unique ways that strengthen our bonds. Families serve as mini-societies where we can test ideas that have the potential to improve our lives. A nurturing family supports and nourishes all of its members to develop into loving and caring individuals.

Make deliberate decisions to invest time and energy in your family relationships:

• Choose to take time for family fun.
• Make family memories together.
• Work out problems together; don’t walk away.
• Ask for and grant forgiveness.
• Tell your family you love them with your words, looks, attitude, and thoughtfulness—often.

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4-H Time is Family Time

Think 4-H is just for kids? Think again. Many teens and parents, as well as kids, enjoy Maine 4-H as a family experience.

There are a number of ways to get involved in 4-H: clubs, after-school programs, school enrichment programs, and community-based youth leadership opportunities. Parents can volunteer as club advisors or chaperones, or simply support their child’s 4-H projects. Families often become involved in 4-H community service projects.

4-H is the youth development program of University of Maine Cooperative Extension. To get involved, contact your county UMaine Extension office, call 800-287-0274, or visit www.umext.maine.edu.

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Family Fun on a Shoestring Budget
Jane K. Conroy, Extension Educator

Time spent together as a family doesn’t have to break the budget. Lots of activities are inexpensive or free, and sometimes getting there is half the fun.

Fun on a budget: plan ahead!

First, figure out how much you can spend on entertainment each month. Then, make a list of free or inexpensive activities in your area, and ask family members which ones they prefer. Use their answers to make a list of potential activities. Keep it handy!

Free or inexpensive activity ideas:

• Visit a park with playgrounds, fields, basketball courts, or tennis courts.
• Go for a walk or a hike, go inline skating, or ride bicycles.
• Visit a beach or a lake.
• Use coupons for miniature golf, bowling, restaurants, or video rentals.
• Take advantage of matinee rates or lower-priced weeknights for movies.
• Have a movie night at home. Make some popcorn, turn off the lights, and enjoy the show.
• Attend plays at local schools and theaters.
• Invite other families over for a family game night.
• Throw a potluck party.
• Visit a zoo or museum.
• Attend outdoor summer concerts at local parks.
• Bake cookies.
• Invite grandparents to tell family stories.
• Look through photo albums.
• Play music and sing together.

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Finding Family Time in Unexpected Places

Dr. James E. Van Horn, professor of rural sociology at Penn State University, observed, “Spending time and doing things together with your children doesn’t just happen. Parents must design their life so that time will be available.”

A recent study by James P. Robinson, sociology professor at the University of Maryland, concluded that Americans actually have more time today than they had thirty years ago—but that today's free time comes in smaller amounts more frequently throughout the day, as opposed to the larger blocks of time people had thirty years ago. And much of the time today’s families spend together takes place while waiting for appointments, traveling, or shopping; at a restaurant; or at the supermarket. These times are usually short, unplanned, and can be stressful, with bored, restless children.

Be prepared, and you can take advantage of these times to have some family fun—and avoid difficult and sometimes embarrassing situations.

Family fun in the car:

• Develop an emergency bag of fun things to do in the car.
• Read license plates.
• Play twenty questions about one another’s fantasy trips.

Family fun at the supermarket:

• Play the alphabet game: a - apple, b - banana, c - corn, etc.
• Have older children find items that you have coupons for.
• Have kids find the cheapest and the most expensive juices and figure the price difference.

Family fun while waiting for appointments:

• Carry flash cards and quiz one another.
• Pose questions pulled from a board or trivia game.
• Pass a pad and pencil around and create a group story.

Family fun at restaurants:

• Play connect-the-dots on the back of a paper placemat.
• Play ”Concentration” by hiding a coin under sugar packets.
• Have your children fold their paper placemats in thirds; have each draw an animal’s head, trunk, or feet. Connect them for some funny results!

By capturing opportunities, you’ll discover that you have more family fun time than ever.

Adapted with permission from James E. Van Horn, “Design Time Together,” Better Kid Care,
The Pennsylvania State University, betterkidcare.psu.edu.

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The Work/Family Balancing Act
Leslie Forstadt, Extension Child and Family Development Specialist

How do you balance work with family time? If you can answer this question easily, congratulations! But if you said, “It’s so hard!” or, “I don’t know how to do it all!” don’t worry; you are not alone.

What’s the easiest way to make family members a priority? Tell them! When you see your child at the end of the day, instead of turning on the TV, say, “Wow, what a long day; it’s so good to see you!” Ask, “What did you do in school today?” and listen. In the morning, sit down and eat breakfast with your children. Look through the morning paper together. If you have to leave for work before others are up, leave a note with morning greetings for family members.

Look for opportunities in your job to create flexible schedules. Talk about your family at work so coworkers and your supervisor understand how important your family is to you. Plan ahead if you need to negotiate your work schedule to attend your child’s school, athletic, or theater events.

Parents who work in the same school district as their child(ren) may get the same vacation times. Some parents look for jobs with nontraditional schedules, such as working three 12-hour days or four 10-hour days a week, instead of five 8-hour days. Being self-employed or working at home can allow flexible work schedules. If you can’t work at home but can find a job where families are a priority, you may feel much happier.

Finally, make the most of family time. Include all family members in things that need to get done: families can pitch in to make dinner, clean the house, or plan a weekend outing. When a family works together to make things happen, even planning time becomes quality time.

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Volunteering: Families in Action!
Jane Conroy, Extension Educator

Volunteering gives your family a unique way to spend time together; teaches kids values like kindness, empathy, and the importance of community service; and introduces everyone in the family to new skills and experiences.

The entire family can volunteer together or you can mix and match: one parent and one child, two siblings, a grandparent and a child, and so on. Regardless of how your family volunteers, the effect on kids is significant: kids who have a positive volunteer experience with family members are more likely to continue volunteering as adults.

How to make the most of your volunteer experience

Choose a project. Help your kids identify a community need. Then think about a project that will make a difference. Projects should be hands-on and clearly connected to the social goal.

Plan and learn together. Children feel ownership when they are part of the planning, decision-making, and problem-solving. Use library and Internet resources to gather information about the issue, the people you are helping, and/or the agency you are working with. Recruit friends or other kids.

Reflect. Give your kids a chance to describe what happened as they volunteered, to express their thoughts and feelings, and to relate their experience to the larger world. Here are some questions to start with:

• Whom did we help?
• What did you see and hear?
• How did you feel?
• What did you learn?
• What new questions or ideas do you have?
• Is there anything you would do differently?

Share your story. Give children opportunities to share what they have learned. Have them draw pictures to display around the house, write an article for a local newspaper, make an exhibit for your library, or give a class presentation.

Thank the agency or organization. As a family, write a letter of appreciation to the folks who made your service experience possible.

Keep helping. A trip to deliver cards to a nursing home could turn into monthly visits with an “adopted grandfriend.” Or baking cookies for a local shelter could become a regular event marking family members’ birthdays or holidays.

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Staying Connected When Living Apart
Wendy Legg Pollock, Extension Educator

After separation or divorce, mothers or fathers can end up living apart from their children. Nonresidential parents often feel frustrated when trying to stay connected to their children’s day-to-day lives.

When you are not living with your child/children on a daily basis, it takes more intentional effort to stay connected. Don’t leave it to chance! It will be hard to stay close without thinking through meaningful ways of interacting from a distance.

For school-aged children and older, decide with your children how to keep connected. Preferred ways of staying in touch will vary with the ages and personalities of the children. It’s important to hear what they want from you, as well as what they will commit to in return.

If at all possible, make contact with your children at least several times a week. Be reliable, consistent, and genuine. Here are a few ideas to jump-start your thinking:

• E-mail. Your messages don’t have to be long; just frequently send a line or two, or e-mail pictures, to let your children know you are thinking about them. Encourage them to do the same.
• Snail mail still works! Mail is a good way to share photos, as well as jokes, cartoons, quotes, magazine or newspaper clippings, postcards, or flyers—anything that makes you think of your child.
• Audio recordings. It may be particularly comforting for younger children to be able to hear your voice regularly—for instance, you could record bedtime stories. Just make sure that you have the same recording technology that they do!
• Video recordings. Send videos of yourself with friends and family or pets, as well as other aspects of your everyday life, such as work or hobbies.
• Activity logs can remind you of different things to talk about when you get the chance. Otherwise it’s easy to forget about day-to-day happenings and you might struggle to think of things to talk about.
• Phone calls are the next best thing to face-to-face. On the phone, you can hear laughter and other emotions that may be missing in other communications. Call at agreed-upon times to eliminate distractions. Don’t be surprised if your child isn’t chatty; your call still means a lot.
• Visits are the best way to stay in your child’s life. Make them a high priority. If something does come up that prevents you from keeping your commitment, connect with your child directly, if at all possible, and as soon as possible. Immediately come up with an alternative plan to see each other.

Regardless of the methods you use to stay connected with your children from a distance, it’s the frequency, dependability, and the love behind the connections that really matter.

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For more information on educational programs in your area, contact your county Extension office.