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University of Maine Cooperative
Extension
Bulletin #4218
Months 1 and 2
Becoming a parent is an exciting change in your life. But it will take time to feel comfortable in your important new role. Parents and babies learn together. Don’t expect to know how to handle everything overnight.
During the first few weeks after your baby is born, you may be surprised by your strong feelings. You may feel down at times, or on the verge of tears for no reason.
Some of these feelings may come from the physical changes your body goes through to get back to normal. You may also feel thrilled and proud, on top of the world. And, of course, you may feel worn down and tired!
Most parents have these feelings, and you’ll recover your energy and good humor in time. Meanwhile, keep your days as simple as possible. Ask nothing of yourself but the basics. Plan to nap when your baby does. Be flexible.
When you are having a rough time, talk to your partner, a family member or a good friend about your feelings. It helps to talk with someone close to you, or with someone who has been through the same experience. There may be new parent groups in your area, too.
If your baby’s head looks big next to her body, if she doesn’t have much hair, and her arms and legs are short, then she looks pretty normal! She might not be what you expected, though.
Maybe you didn’t get the boy or girl you wanted, or the baby just doesn’t fit the picture of the “dream baby” you thought about during pregnancy or saw in the magazines and on TV.
It can take time to get used to the baby you have. Some parents love their new arrival right away. Others have to get to know the baby better, and that’s normal too.
It’s a little bit scary at first, caring for a tiny infant, but you’ll gain confidence with time.
The relationship between parents and their babies depends on both. Busy, active parents may understand a wiry, active baby better than a very sleepy, quiet one.
Calm, mellow parents may understand a happy, relaxed baby better than an active, jumpy one.
If your baby acts the way you expect, parenting may come a little easier. But if you didn’t get the type of baby you expected, don’t despair! It may take a little more work, but getting to know your baby is worth it.
Watch your baby closely, and see how she reacts. Is she very active? Does she sleep and eat regularly, or do her habits change from day to day? Is she pretty content, or does she cry a lot? Your baby can give you clues about the way she likes to be handled.
Your Baby Wants You to Know:
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Your baby has all the same senses you do. Even at birth, babies can see, hear, smell and feel touch.
Vision: Babies prefer to look at faces. For the first few weeks of life, they see best at a distance of eight to 12 inches, just the distance between your face and hers when you hold her close to feed her or talk to her.
Bright colors, high contrast patterns and shiny things are more interesting to babies than pastels. Babies may follow moving objects with their eyes for a few seconds. In the first weeks, their heads turn to the side when they lay down, so hang mobiles from the side of the crib, not the top.
Hearing: Infants may turn their heads toward the source of an interesting noise. They prefer high-pitched, gentle voices. By the time a baby is 3 weeks old, she may recognize mom’s and dad’s voices. When she is upset, soft music may help calm her.
Smell: Even very tiny babies react to smells. Strong, harsh smells will make the baby turn her head away and cry. By 1 week old, babies know the smell of their own nursing mothers.
Touch: Touching is very important to babies. Being held close and cuddled helps your baby to know that her world is a friendly place. In fact, studies have shown that babies who are held for more hours each day cry much less than babies who aren’t held as much. Hold your baby or use a frontpack. Being in your arms and hearing your heartbeat makes baby feel safe.
Cuddle and hold your baby whenever you want to. Don’t worry about spoiling her; babies are supposed to be babied! While you’re at it, share a hug with the rest of your family. You’ll all feel better for it.
Babies can also sense movement from very early on. Motion, like rocking and walking, helps to sooth a crying baby. Remember, she spent nine months floating inside the uterus. She’s used to rocking and moving around. Holding baby upright also lets her look around and see new things, so she may cry less.
Crying means your baby needs your help. During the first few months, she can’t control when she starts to cry. She cries only when in need, and can’t stop until her needs are met, or she’s too tired to go on.
Studies show that mothers who responded quickly to their baby’s cries had babies who later cried less often and for shorter times. These babies had more energy for learning and interacting with people.
Sometimes it may seem like your baby never stops crying. This can be very stressful and hard to listen to, but don’t take your angry feelings out on your baby. He can’t help it.
If you’ve tried everything and the baby still cries, try this: Put the baby in his crib and shut the door. Take a shower or do vacuuming. You won’t hear him and the noise might calm him down. Look in on him every 15 minutes.
Call a friend or relative and ask her to watch your baby for half an hour or an hour. Everyone needs a break like this at times.
If you think your baby is ill, call your doctor.
Hungry: Babies often cry when they’re hungry. If it has been at least two hours since he was fed, see if he’s hungry.
Lonely: If baby calms down and stays calm as soon as you pick him up, he missed you! Remember, he was in a snuggly womb, hearing a heartbeat for nine months. His need for closeness is very real. You can’t spoil a baby by cuddling him when he needs it or when you need it.
Cold/Hot: Feel the baby’s back or tummy to see if he’s too cool or hot, and adjust his clothes to make him comfortable. Dress him like yourself, or one layer warmer.
Overstimulated: Lots of people bouncing or talking to the baby at once may overdo it. Give him some calm and quiet. Rocking him in a dimly lit room may help.
Undressing: Put a cloth on his tummy until you redress him.
Startling: The baby may move suddenly, startle himself and cry. Wrapping the baby firmly in blankets and holding him close may calm him.
Wet Diapers: Some babies don’t mind wet diapers, others do.
Pain: Baby may be ill or uncomfortable because a pin is pricking him or his clothes have sharp tags or zippers.
Sleepiness: Some babies need to fuss a bit before sleeping.
Colic: Colicky babies have tummy pains, and a loud, piercing cry that can last for a few minutes or several hours, usually at the same time each day. Sometimes, a colicky baby won’t stop crying even after you’ve tried the usual things. It’s not your fault, or the baby’s.
Try these ideas:
Lay baby down across your knees, rub or pat her back.
Rock her at 60 rocks per minute — a slow adult walk. Or use an infant swing. Try walking with baby tucked under your arm, with your hand under her tummy. Or hold her up so she can look around and see new things.
Try changing her bath time to evening.
Give the evening feeding with baby upright, not lying down. Burp her extra well to get air out of her tummy. Offer a pacifier. Sucking helps relax the digestive tract.
Go for a ride in the car (put baby in her carseat).
Sing to baby, or play soft music. Sometimes a vacuum cleaner, fan or radio tuned to static may help calm her.
Talk to baby’s doctor to see if he or she has other ideas.
The second month of life tends to be the peak month for crying, so when you get through this month things should begin to get quieter.
Here are some suggestions to help calm crying babies:
Provide steady, monotonous sounds. Vacuum cleaners (tape-record it if you don’t need to vacuum), fans, radios tuned to soft music, loud music with a beat or even static can help. Try singing quietly to the baby. Sometimes recordings of a human heartbeat are helpful.
Cuddle for a while. Rock in a rocking chair or snuggle. Babies need lots of holding and touching.
Leave a soft light on in baby’s room. Keep the room a little bit warmer to help make baby sleepy.
Wrap baby firmly in a light blanket (this is called swaddling) to reduce thrashing around and startling.
If she has diaper rash, wash her bottom with soap and water and leave her diaper off for a little while to let the skin dry. Wrap her in a blanket if it is cold in the house.
Give her a new view. She may be bored. Hang something over the crib that she can look at but can’t reach. Put her where she can keep an eye on you.
Never shake a baby. This can cause blindness, brain damage or death.
Hold your baby so she can see your face when you feed her. Feeding is an important learning time for a new baby. She learns that a person satisfies her strongest need — hunger — when she can see your face as you feed her.
When a tiny baby needs to eat every two or three hours, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever get enough sleep again! Remember, as she gets bigger, she won’t need feeding so often.
When should you feed your baby? Watch the clock, but also watch your baby! Babies usually cry when they are hungry. If your feeding schedule is too rigid, you may have to listen to a lot of crying. Be flexible.
Many babies will start to get on a regular schedule all by themselves in four or five weeks, if fed when they’re hungry. If your baby is very irregular, and doesn’t do anything at the same time each day, you may want to try feeding every three or four hours. Wake her a little early for each feeding to start her on a schedule. If you wait too long, your baby may cry, gulp lots of air and spit up. It may take a little time to work out the details.
Your baby will stop eating when she’s full, too. Don’t try to get her to take more than she wants.
Breastfeeding tip:
Some days it may seem like you don’t have enough milk. Babies have growth spurts, when they need to nurse more often. This should only last a couple of days, and you don’t have to stop breastfeeding. The frequent nursing tells your body to make more milk. Baby is getting enough if there are six very wet diapers a day.
Bottle feeding tip:
Don’t heat bottles in a microwave oven. The bottle may feel cool on the outside but still have hot spots inside that could burn a baby’s tender mouth. Heat the bottle in a pan, or run it under hot water instead. Test formula on your wrist to check the temperature.
Warning: Honey is Harmful for Babies
Babies under 1 year old should never be fed honey. Honey has spores in it that can cause a disease called infant botulism. Older children have better developed intestinal tracts, so honey is safe for them.
There are many people besides mom and dad who will be very important in your child’s life. Here are just a few:
Brothers and Sisters: It may be hard for older brothers and sisters to get used to a new baby, especially at first. Infants need lots of attention, and sometimes it can feel like there’s no time left for anyone else. A good way to have some special time with older children is to read to them while the baby is eating.
If an older child wants to help with the baby, he can fetch diapers, talk or sing to the baby or draw some pictures to hang by the baby’s crib or changing table. Change the display each week! Don’t leave a child younger than 4 years old alone with a baby. Young children don’t know that babies can be easily hurt.
Grandparents: Baby’s grandparents may have time to spend visiting and/or helping with the new baby. Even if they live far away, they may have good advice on things like colic or laundry.
But sometimes it’s hard for grandparents to see their own children as parents, especially with a new baby. You may get more advice than you want! You can always listen, and then if it isn’t what you plan to do, say nothing or say “thank you, but I think I’ll do it this way,” or “the doctor says to do this.”
Things may have changed a lot since your parents had a baby, and some of their advice may not be right any more. It’s up to you and your partner to decide what is best for your baby.
Child Care Providers: They are like family to your infant. Pick your provider carefully. We’ll say more about this in the fact sheet for months 2–3.
Each year, infants and toddlers die in car accidents in Maine. Don’t let this happen to your baby. Maine law requires that children younger than four or less than 40 pounds ride in a child safety seat. Children ages four to eight or between 40 and 80 pounds must ride in a booster seat. The driver and all passengers older than eight or weighing more than 80 pounds must use a seatbelt. There is a fine for violating the law.
Using a carseat is the only way to protect your baby in a moving car. Infants under 20 pounds and 26 inches long should face the rear. The seat will hold baby safely in most crashes. If you hold the baby on your lap, a crash could rip him from your arms and throw him into the dashboard with the same force as a fall from a three-story building. He could also be crushed between your body and the dashboard, or fly out a car window.
Everyone riding in a car should wear a seatbelt, and a shoulder harness, if possible. Any person or object not strapped down could be thrown into and injure your baby. Tool boxes or other heavy objects become dangerous flying missiles in a crash, or even a sudden stop. Keep them in the trunk, or on the floor of the car.
To protect your baby, the
carseat must be used correctly:
Won’t I spoil my baby if I go to him every time he cries?
Sometimes parents think that if they go to the baby each time he cries, they are teaching him to cry even more to get attention. Babies don’t work this way!
Infant researchers agree that it is very important for parents to go to the baby promptly when he cries. This leads to less crying, later on.
The important thing is how quickly parents respond to crying, more than the amount of time spent comforting the baby.
By about the fourth week of life, infants use fussing or complaining noises when they need something.
If these quiet cries are answered, the baby learns he doesn’t always have to scream. At about 6 weeks, just making eye contact with the baby can sometimes quiet him.
Babies like to know that they can have an effect on the outside world. When crying means that someone comes, it helps babies to cry less, “talk” more, learn more, make more eye contact and explore the world more. This is better for baby and for you!
Is it safe to make my baby’s formula with well water?
Water from some private wells in Maine is not safe for infants and pregnant women because it contains too many nitrates or bacteria.
Nitrates keep a baby’s blood from carrying enough oxygen. This is called “blue baby” disease; babies turn bluish around the lips and cheeks, fingernails and toenails. Boiling water makes the nitrates or chemicals more concentrated and dangerous.
You can test your water. Ask for a kit from the Department of Human Services Health and Environmental Testing Lab, 221 State St., Station #12, Augusta, ME 04333, (207) 287-1716.
How much is too much? More than 10 mg. per liter of nitrate nitrogen (NO3-1) or 45 mg. per liter of nitrate (NO3), is unsafe for a baby under 6 months.
What can you do if your well has too many nitrates or other chemicals? Use bottled water from a safe source until baby is 6 to 12 months old. Contact your county Extension office for more information. You may also want to ask baby’s doctor about fluoride drops for baby.
For more information on family issues, contact your county Extension office or the Family Living Office, University of Maine Cooperative Extension, 5717 Corbett Hall, Orono, ME 04469-5717, (207) 581-3448/3104 or 1-800-287-0274 (in Maine).
Published and distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914, by the University of Maine Cooperative Extension, the Land Grant University of the state of Maine and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Cooperative Extension and other agencies of the U.S.D.A. provide equal opportunities in programs and employment.
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Last Modified:
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