The Growing Years, Months 3 & 4 # 4220

Your baby probably spends less time crying and sleeping now, so she has more time to learn about herself and the world. She’s just found that she has hands and feet that she can move, and she loves to watch them.

Try putting a toy in her hand. She’ll probably hold on and watch it as she moves her arm. She might even reach for things and grab them. She can now get her hand to her mouth and suck on her fingers.

Your baby doesn’t have full control over her arms and legs yet, so she may get angry or frustrated when she can’t make her body do what she wants it to do.

Your baby likes to watch things. She will even stop nursing to follow a toy with her eyes. Hold one near her and then move it away. Bring it close again or move it out of sight. She will go on eating. She does not know yet that things still exist when she can’t see them.

Baby also loves to make noises. She can even laugh now! The more you respond to her when she “talks,” the more she will answer back and smile at you. This is good practice for real talking later.

Your Baby Wants You to Know

How I Grow:

I hold my head and back pretty straight when you support my body.

When I’m on my tummy, I can lift my head, lean on my elbows, arch my back and rock.

I move my arms and legs a lot.

When you hold me, I push with my arms and legs.

I touch my face with my hands.

I grab for things with both hands, but sometimes I miss.

How I Talk:

I coo simple sounds like “ooh,” “ah,” “ae.”

I answer sounds I hear by gurgling, cooing and squealing.

I don’t cry as much as before. Have you noticed?

How I Respond:

I stare at the place things drop from, but I don’t watch where they go when they fall.

I get excited when I see people or things I know.

I can pay attention a little. I stop sucking to listen to sounds or look at things. Then I look and suck.

I like to listen. Talk to me in simple sentences.

How I Understand:

I’m starting to have a memory. I like some toys better than others.

How I Feel:

I love to be cuddled (usually).

I don’t like to be left alone. Let me sit where I can watch you!

How You Can Help Me Learn:

Give me safe squeaky toys and rattles to hold or bat at.

Play pat-a-cake with me.

Look into my eyes when you talk to me.

Let me see myself in the mirror. Or get me a safe mirror of my own for my crib or changing table.

(Children can be very different from each other. Don’t worry if your child is “early” or “late” in growth. This is important: look for and notice your child’s growth in each area. Then you can encourage each new ability.)

If Your Baby:

reacts with fear or anger to new situations;

adapts very slowly to any change in schedule; or

doesn’t keep a regular schedule,

Then You Could Easily Get:

angry,

impatient or

confused.

But Your Baby Really Needs You To:

be patient;

introduce new people, foods, situations, etc. very gradually; and

offer several chances to get used to anything new.

This is the best way to help your baby overcome feelings of fear or insecurity.

Don’t Prop the Bottle

If you are bottle feeding, don’t prop the bottle and leave your baby alone. Don’t put her to bed with a bottle of formula or juice. A baby left alone with a bottle could spit up and choke.

It is important for your baby to have the closeness of being held in someone’s arms at every feeding. If feeding takes a long time because baby gets distracted, sometimes feeding her in a dimly lit, quiet room helps speed things up. Other family members, even older children, may be able to give baby some bottles.

When baby drinks while lying on her back, formula can back up into the tubes between her throat and ears (Eustachian tubes). This formula can grow bacteria and cause painful ear infections that could harm your baby’s hearing.

Baby Bottle Mouth

If baby has a bottle in her mouth all night, the milk sugars can decay her new teeth! Children lose their baby teeth later on, but they are important for keeping space in the mouth for permanent teeth. If baby must have a bedtime bottle, use water only. Give half milk and half water at first to get your baby used to the change before her teeth come in.

Breastfeeding Tip

Now that your milk supply is established, you can give your baby a bottle once or twice a day, if you want to. Make it the same feeding/s each day. If you express just enough milk to relieve the pressure, but don’t pump, your breasts will stop making milk when baby gets a bottle.

Not All Babies Like to Cuddle

Most of us think that all babies love to be held, rocked and cuddled, but some babies don’t.

If your baby is a non-cuddler, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, or that you’re a bad parent. It may just be the way he’s made, part of what makes him a unique little person. Some very active babies don’t like to slow down long enough to cuddle. Watch this kind of baby closely. Is there a time of day, maybe first thing in the morning or at bedtime, when he’s slowed down and more ready to be held?

Other babies may be extra-sensitive to the world around them. Bright lights, loud noises, sudden changes, even holding can sometimes be too much. These babies are often very jumpy.

For this type of baby, try to reduce the stimulation level. Turn down the radio or TV, put a dimmer switch on the nursery light and handle him very gently and carefully.

Show love to your little non-cuddler in other ways. Smile and make eye contact when you talk to him. Sing to him. And remember, even non-cuddly babies want and need to be held sometimes.

Make Baby’s Room Interesting

Baby is more alert and active now, and his vision is more like yours. Here are ideas for fun things to look at in his room.

Hang up bright-colored wall hangings or pictures. Pictures can be posters, art prints, family photos or cut outs from magazines.

Change the display often. If you have older children, they can supply lots of original art. An unbreakable mirror in the crib or over the changing table is good, too.

If you put baby’s crib so he can look out a window, he’ll have lots of new things to look at. Don’t put him in reach of the window or in direct sun.

A crystal prism in front of the window will throw rainbows into the room. Or how about wind chimes? Baby can look at and listen to them. Be sure to keep these out of baby’s reach.

Spanking for Babies? Never!

You probably haven’t thought about discipline for your baby. After all, she’s only 3 months old! But there are some things about discipline you may want to start thinking about.

“Discipline” comes from the word “disciple,” meaning student. Think of discipline as teaching, not punishment.

The most important thing you can teach your baby now is to trust you. You can do this by meeting her needs, so she learns that you are there when she needs you. Later on, you will need to set some limits to keep her safe. The trust she has in you will help her try to obey so she can please you.

Tiny babies like yours don’t do things on purpose to annoy you, even if it seems like it sometimes. Your baby can’t help crying, messing her diapers or waking up at night when you want to sleep. A tiny baby should never be spanked for any reason.

Never hit or shake a small baby. Shaking can cause permanent brain damage, blindness or even death.

Every parent gets upset and frustrated sometimes. But if you ever feel so angry that you’re afraid you might hurt your baby, get help.

Call a sitter or friend so you can take a break. At least put baby in her room, shut the door for 15 minutes, and rest. It may help to call Parent’s Anonymous or another group and talk to someone about your feelings.

Baby’s Sisters and Brothers

How are your other children reacting to the baby now? It’s normal for sisters and brothers to be upset at the change in their family, especially if they’re under 5.

A toilet-trained child may go back to diapers for a while. Good eaters may lose their appetites. You may notice other things, too.

Since young children can’t always control their actions, don’t leave the baby alone with a child younger than 4. He or she may hurt the baby accidentally.

Watch when your children are together. Praise your older child when he or she is good to the baby.

If your baby gets lots of gifts, ask your family and friends to remember older children, too. Keep a few small gifts on hand for them. Or let them open the baby’s presents.

It’s important for you and your partner to spend special time alone with each older child, even just 15 minutes or half an hour.

Try to find time to take your older child for a walk or an ice cream cone, or play a favorite game. Read to your older child during baby’s feeding or after baby’s bedtime.

Choosing Safe Baby Toys

Toys don’t have to be bought at a store, or even made specially for babies. Here are some tips for choosing toys:

Activities: Baby Games

Babies love to be with people, and games are a good way to have fun and learn at the same time. Here are some suggestions about how to play with your baby:

Games for Growing

If baby can’t see something, he doesn’t know it’s still there! Hide your face behind your hands and say “Where’s Mama?” then take them away and say, “peek-a-boo!”

Or play peek-a-boo by hiding baby’s face with a washcloth in his bath or with his shirt when you’re dressing him.

This game can be played with a rattle or any baby toy. Hold the toy in front of baby and move it to get his attention. Then try to keep his eyes on it while you slowly move it from side to side, up and down and in circles.

Try holding the rattle off to one side and shaking it. Does baby look to find where the sound comes from? Soon he will. Brothers and sisters can play these games, too.

For more information on family issues, contact your county Extension office or the Family Living Office, University of Maine Cooperative Extension, 5717 Corbett Hall, Orono, ME 04469-5717, (207) 581-3448/3104 or 1-800-287-0274 (in Maine).

Published and distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914, by the University of Maine Cooperative Extension, the Land Grant University of the state of Maine and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Cooperative Extension and other agencies of the U.S.D.A. provide equal opportunities in programs and employment.

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Last Modified: 08/12/08
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How Baby is Changing