University of Maine Cooperative Extension
Bulletin #4233

Months 19 and 20

Your Child is Special

Isn’t it nice that your child is like no other child in the world? In every fact sheet in this series, we have included a reminder to parents that perfectly normal children differ in the sequence and speed of their development because parents often worry that their children are not developing as they should.

Those who study young children agree that the one predictable thing about children’s development is its variability. Normally developing children may walk before they are 7 months old, but many do not walk before they are 18 months old. Normal children may begin talking at 8 months or at 24 months, and so it is with all learning.

Your child naturally enjoys learning new skills. You can support and encourage this learning not by pushing or criticizing or comparing your child with other children but by teaching, encouraging and celebrating her success.

Research in Brief: Secure Toddlers Are More Compliant

There has been a lot of research on the relationship between parents and their young children. For some, this relationship is close and loving, but for others the relationship is tense and uncomfortable. In a close relationship, the child feels secure. She feels she can count on her parents for affection, care and protection. Dr. Alice Sterling Honig reviewed studies of parent-child relationships. She concluded that a close, secure relationship between parent and child occurred when the parents were aware of the child’s distress and were able to quickly and successfully comfort the child. She writes, “...children are more likely to obey parental signals if they have a positive, harmonious, affectionate relationship with their parents.” 

Toddler Talk: Let Me Play in Water and Sand

Let me play in sand, dirt and mud even if I get dirty. A pile of sand or dirt in the corner of the yard will be great. You can make a sandbox by filling an old tire with clean sand. Keep the sandbox covered when it’s not in use to keep out cats and dogs.

Let me play with water. Bathing, filling and emptying containers, and washing dishes are great fun. Give me a plastic bucket or can filled with clear water and an old paintbrush. I will paint the sidewalk, the house and everything I can reach. Put a small dishpan of water on the kitchen floor or outdoors. Add a funnel, sponge, measuring spoons and cups, a washcloth and a plastic squeeze bottle. I’ll enjoy pouring, squeezing, washing and squirting. Remember, don’t leave me alone with water; I can drown in less than two inches of water.

All this is teaching me about the world I live in, and it’s lots of fun.

Happy Dancing

Toddlers like to do things with their parents. They like music and rhythm and body movement. Happy dancing combines all these things. Turn on some music. Teach your child to do a happy dance. Dance to fast music and to slow music. Hold hands and dance together. Clap your hands to music or use large wooden spoons or beat on something that makes a nice noise. Show your little one how to keep the rhythm and play along with the beat. Children grow up to like the kind of music they hear when they are little. Play different kinds of music and your child will learn to like many kinds.

Remember, this booklet describes a typical child at each age. Each child is special and each child develops at his or her own pace. Perfectly normal children may do things earlier or later than those described in this booklet. If you are concerned about your child’s development, see your doctor.

Special Toy or Blanket

Lots of children have special blankets, teddy bears or toys. Some children take up with the strangest things. They claim them and call them their own forever, or at least until someone makes fun of them. The most common favorite object is a blanket. Your little one may appear every morning with one thumb in the mouth and the other hand clutching a ratty, tattered blanket.

There are some stories about security blankets that would truly surprise you. Heaven forbid if it should get lost, stolen (who’d want it?) or washed. Yet that blanket or teddy bear or toy represents a friend who has shared your child’s life through thick and thin, in sickness and health, in good times and bad. Most of us would welcome such a friend if it could do as much for us.

What to do about these special comforts and attachments? You leave them alone, because in time your child will realize the blanket or bear or other toy isn’t going to solve life’s problems. He will come to realize he can solve his problems by himself. For now let him enjoy his comforting “friends.”

Sometimes Change Takes Time

Does it sometimes seem that your child changes almost too fast, while at other times he learns important things so-o-o-o slowly? Believe it or not, your little one wants to learn and is doing his best. Some things are just hard for him to get the hang of. You can help by being patient and calm and by encouraging and praising each tiny accomplishment. That way, he won’t get upset and have trouble learning.

If your messy eater gets two spoonfuls of applesauce in his mouth without spilling much, let him know you are pleased. If he plays with another child just five minutes without squabbling, compliment him.

Let him know you appreciate what he can do. Try not to criticize what he cannot do. He’ll learn faster, and you’ll both feel better.

Temper Tantrums

Sometimes children between the ages of one and three have temper tantrums. They may cry, shout, hit, bite, throw themselves on the floor and kick. Some hold their breath. You may not know what started the tantrum. You certainly know you want to stop it!

Some children have tantrums because they have learned it is a way to get attention or to get something else they want. Others imitate parents who have quick tempers. Tantrums probably mean that the child is overcome by anger or frustration. Maybe she has been told too often what she cannot do. Children seem to have temper tantrums most often when they are overtired, hungry or very excited. Although temper tantrums are normal for children this age, they don’t happen as often if the child feels loved and important.

There is no magic way to handle tantrums, but here are some suggestions:

• Try to remain calm (which is often hard to do).

• Keep your child from hurting herself or others.

• Separate her from other children or from the place where she’s having her tantrum or just hold her in your arms.

• When your child has calmed down, comfort her and try to understand the reason for the tantrum.

• If you give the child what she wants when she has a tantrum, she might learn to use tantrums to get her own way.

Nutrition: Mealtime Is Mess Time

Toddlers are messy eaters. You can bet that a lot of food will end up on the floor. If you are worried about the carpet or floor, put an old sheet under the high chair. You can shake it out after meals. When it gets really dirty, you can wash it.

Things that make eating easier for your toddler are small, unbreakable items, such as a:

• Spoon with a short handle

• Bowl with sides to push food up against

• Cup that your toddler can circle his hands around and pick up. (This cup shouldn’t tip over easily. If you use a training cup with a lid, it can make drinking easier.)

There will be lots of spills. Most of the time, they will be accidental. If it happens three and four times in a row, your toddler might be playing or trying to get your attention. This means it is probably time to end the meal.

Serve your toddler food at the same time everyone else is eating. Your toddler will learn how to eat by watching you and other family members eat. Don’t expect good table manners yet. Your child will learn these gradually over the next few years.

A high chair can help. Toddlers are such busy little people they might not want to stop to eat when it’s time for a meal or snack. When you put your child in a high chair, he knows that it’s time to stop what he is doing and eat.

Watch Out: Avoid Burns

Burns are among the most serious and painful injuries to children. The problems, pain and disfigurement from a burn could last the rest of your child’s life. Most burns to children occur between birth and 4 years of age. 

Most burns to children are caused by:

• Scalds from hot liquids and foods such as coffee, tea and grease.

• Contact with hot surfaces such as stoves, irons and heaters.

These burns occur most often in the kitchen when hot liquids are spilled while you are cooking and serving, and when appliances are hot.

During this early age, children grow so fast that parents are often not prepared for what a baby can do. Toddlers can pull hot food off a table or touch a hot stove while they are trying to walk. A 2-year-old will get underfoot in the kitchen, and you can spill hot food on him.

Parents often change their habits and household after the burn to their child has happened rather than before. Remember that your child will surprise you with his ability. Expect him to change overnight. Be prepared. 

• Never eat, drink, or carry anything hot when you are carrying your child; you can’t handle both!

• Never leave anything hot on the edge of a table or counter.

• Be especially careful when your child is with you in the kitchen. Don’t let him play in the kitchen when you are not there. 

Health: Give Your Child a Lifetime of Happy, Healthy Smiles

Your child’s first teeth are important for:

• Helping your child chew and talk.

• Saving space for permanent teeth to grow in straight.

• Helping your child feel good about her smile. 

By following a few easy steps you can avoid dental problems in your child’s future:

• Gently clean your baby’s teeth and gums daily with a damp cloth, gauze or toothbrush.

• Feed only formula, milk or water from a bottle. Do not add sugar.

• Offer the bottle only at feeding time.

• If you use a pacifier to comfort your baby, never dip it in any sweet substance. 

• If your drinking water is fluoridated, make a habit of encouraging your child to drink it. If your child’s drinking water is not fluoridated, ask your doctor about fluoride supplements.

• Take your child for a dental checkup when she is between 2 and 3 years old.

Homemade Toys That Teach

Milk Carton Blocks

Purpose: Block play allows young children to experiment with patterns, shapes and sizes. They learn how to stack things, and they learn what happens when stacks are knocked down. These lightweight building blocks, which cost almost nothing to make, are very popular with children.

Materials:

• Milk or cream cartons

• Heavy plastic or duct tape

Making the Toy: Take any two cartons of equal size and cut them to the same height. Turn one over and slip it inside the other so that it makes a block. Secure the edges with duct tape or heavy mailing tape—a kind children can’t pull off and swallow. You can cover the blocks with adhesive paper or you can paste letters, numbers, or pictures on them.

Games for Growing

Big and Little

Purpose of the Game: To teach your child about opposites and sizes.

How to Play:

• Sit in any relaxed position.

• Place three big and three little blocks on the floor.

• Pile the blocks up in different patterns and describe what you are doing. For example, “Now I’ll take the big block. Now I’ll put the little block on it” and so on.

• Now say something like, “We need a big block. Give me a big block,” or ask for the little blocks so that your child learns the difference between big and little. Encourage your child to make up other block games or big and little games you can play together.

Touch a Word

Purpose of the Game: To help your child point to objects named and learn the words for these objects.

How to Play:

• Sit with your child.

• Turn pages in a baby’s picture book and say to your child, “Where’s the car? Touch the horse.”

• Then say, “Now look at this. This is the word for car.” Point to the word and then say, “Point to the car. Touch the word for car.”

Remember, play this and any game only if it is fun for both you and your child.

Questions and Answers

Q. I’ve heard about the terrible twos. What are they, and how do I cope with them?

A. Terrible twos may not be terrible, but they can be difficult. Most toddlers go through a period at about 2½ years old, some as early as 18 months, some much later, when they seem to delight in doing just what you do not want them to do. This happens because toddlers are learning independence at this age. They have the physical ability to do things on their own and are learning that they can have some power over others. They have learned to say “no” and “I want.” To practice all these new abilities, they want what they want right now, and they let you know this very clearly. Sometimes, they demand things they shouldn’t have, and sometimes they demand things they don’t even want, just to show how powerful they are.

Remember, when your toddler reaches this stage, he is not being deliberately nasty. He is just showing that he is growing up. Be patient. Use the guidance ideas discussed in these fact sheets. In a few months, your toddler should be moving out of this difficult period.

Sources

“A Guide for Home Care and Prevention of Childhood Injuries,” (1986). North County Health Services, Maternal and Child Health Department, San Marcos, California. Reprinted by permission.

Ames, L.B. and C.C. Haber (1982). Your One-Year-Old: The Fun Loving, Fussy 12-to-24-Month-Old. New York: Dell Publishing Co. Inc.

Brazelton, T.B. (1974). Toddlers and Parents. New York: Delta Publishing Co.

Bogensneider, K. (1986). “Designing Parenting Newsletters Based on What We Know About Adult Learning.” (Unpublished manuscript)

Caplan, F. and T. Caplan (1980). The Second Twelve Months of Life: Your Baby’s Growth Month by Month. New York: Bantam.

Honig, A.S. (1985). “Compliance, Control and Discipline.” Young Children, 40(2), 50-58.

Lally, J.R. and I.J. Gordon (1977). Learning Games for Infants and Toddlers. New York: New Readers Press, Publishing Division of Laubach Literacy International. Reprinted by permission.

Lamberts, M. (1980). Young Parent, Cooperative Extension, Washington State.

O’Brien, S.J. (n.d.). Crib Courier. Cooperative Extension, University of Arizona.

White, B.L. (1985). The First Three Years of Life. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall Press.

Contributors

Nutrition: Joanne Ikeda, M.A., R.D. nutrition education specialist, University of California Cooperation Extension.

Health: Colleen Sevens, R.F.D., M.S.T., California Department of Health Services.

Suggested Reading

For information on first aid for young children we recommend:

“The First Aid Chart” by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Order by calling toll-free 800-433-9016 or writing American Academy of Pediatrics, Publication Department, 141 Northwest Point Blvd., P.O. Box 927, Elk Grove Village, IL 60007. Cost is $2.95.

For other good information on first aid for young children and first aid classes, contact your local Red Cross office.

For more information on family issues, contact your county Extension office or the Family Living Office, University of Maine Cooperative Extension, 5717 Corbett Hall, Orono, ME 04469-5717, (207) 581-3448/3104 or 1-800-287-0274 (in Maine).

Published and distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of May 8 and June 30, 1914, by the University of Maine Cooperative Extension, the Land Grant University of the state of Maine and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Cooperative Extension and other agencies of the U.S.D.A. provide equal opportunities in programs and employment.

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