The Growing Years, Months 23 & 24 Bulletin #4235

A child’s self-esteem is his overall judgment of himself. It determines whether or not he likes, accepts and respects himself. One of the greatest and most important challenges you face is to help your child feel good about himself.

Children begin very early to form either positive or negative pictures of themselves. You can help your child feel good about himself by telling him that you like who he is and you like the way he does things. Let him know when you think he does a good job of putting blocks in a bucket, or dumping them out of the bucket. Thank him for putting napkins on the table, or hanging his towel up. Show him with smiles as well as words.

Tell your child what to do rather than what not to do. Instead of saying, “Don’t carry the cat that way” say, “Carry your cat like this.” That way, he’ll feel like a success rather than a failure. Listen to what he says, and respond to his questions. Take time to understand his feelings, his joys and his fears. You are showing him that his ideas and feelings are important. All this will help him to feel important and capable. You are helping him develop the self-confidence to become the responsible, successful person you want him to be.

Your Baby Wants You to Know

How I Grow:

I can pedal a small tricycle.
I can throw a ball into a wastebasket.
I can walk down stairs alone, both feet on one step at a time holding on to the railing.
I usually like to run more than I like to walk.
I like to walk on low walls with one hand held.
I can walk a few steps on tiptoe.
I might be afraid of the noise of trains, trucks, thunder, toilet flushing and the vacuum cleaner. I might also fear rain, wind and wild animals. Be patient with me.

How I Talk:

I can ask questions just to keep the conversation going.
I can answer some questions such as, “What is your name?” “What does the dog say?” “What does the cat say?”
I can name almost everything that I see often, such as things in my house, my preschool or my neighborhood.
I’m beginning to learn the meaning of “soon” and I am learning to wait.
I can ask for food and drink.

What I Have Learned:

I can sit and “read” picture books, turning the pages for myself.
I can put together a puzzle of three to six pieces.
I know pretty well where things are located in and around my house.
I can make a tower of eight blocks.

How I Get Along with Others:

I still don’t understand sharing, but I like to be with other children for short periods of time.
I like to please others.
I am interested in babies and their mothers.
I am afraid of disapproval and rejection.
I like to order other people around.
I sometimes show my anger by slapping, biting and hitting.
I want my way in everything.
I am sometimes stubborn and defiant, and I often use words like “it’s mine!” “I don’t like it!” “go away!” “I won’t!” and “no!”

What I Can Do for Myself:

I can take off all my clothes, and I can put most of my clothes back on.
I can unwrap packages.
I know what a toilet is for, but I probably don’t want to use it yet.
I can turn doorknobs and open doors. Keep dangerous things out of my sight and out of my reach.
I want to do lots of things by myself.

Play I Enjoy:

I like to play simple chase games like tag.
A teddy bear or soft doll is still my favorite toy.
I like to take things apart and put them together. Watch out that I don’t play with small pieces that could choke me.
I can stack five rings on a peg toy in the correct order.
I like to be pushed on a swing.
I play happily with soft modeling clay.

Toddler Talk

Give Me Lots of Different Experiences

Research in Brief: Toddler Intelligence and Home Experiences

What kinds of daily experiences are most likely to promote learning and intellectual development in young children?

Dr. Joseph H. Stevens, Jr., professor of early childhood education at Georgia State University, reviewed research designed to answer this question.

The research showed that the way parents and caregivers help their children develop language skills does influence their children’s intellectual development. Those children who were most intelligent had parents or other caregivers who talked to them a lot, encouraged their use of language and did things with them that helped them learn and practice language. Dr. Stevens writes, “Intellectually valuable experiences that involve the teacher and/or parents as active participants on the task with the child in labeling, describing, comparing, classifying and questioning support (the child’s) intellectual development.” (Stevens, 1981, pp. 67-68)

Bedtime Talk

You might enjoy starting bedtime talk as part of your bedtime routine with your toddler. Bedtime is a good time to talk to your toddler without interruption in a cozy, private place. Review the best things that have happened that day, and talk about plans for tomorrow. The sound of your soft, comforting voice will help your child ease into sleep. You’ll probably find yourself doing much of the talking at first, but you’re setting the stage for later discussions. As your child grows, she’ll want to have private conversations with you about important things. You are practicing for these conversations with your bedtime talks. Some nights, you may be in a hurry and skip your talk. Don’t be surprised if your child says, “You forgot to talk to me about today and tomorrow.”

Be Good to Yourself: Good Parent-Bad Parent

Parents often think they aren’t doing a “good” job if their children don’t act the way they “should.” No matter how good you are as a parent, your child will misbehave. If you feel responsible for all your child’s misbehavior, you will feel stress. That stress is hard on you and can cause you to be hard on your child. This will make things worse for both of you. Instead of criticizing yourself, try to give yourself some positive messages.

For example, sometimes parents think, “If I were a good mother or father, my child wouldn’t be having so many tantrums.” How about telling yourself and your child, “We got through that trip to the store without any fussing at all!”

Young children need parents who try their best, but that doesn’t mean we can succeed 100 percent of the time. We all make mistakes. When you’re not feeling OK, do try your best, but don’t worry that you are not a super parent.

Give yourself and your child credit for the good times, and understand that nobody is perfect.

Toddlers Learn about Sex

Your toddler is learning fast. You love his curiosity and you encourage his questions because you know it means he is alert, enthusiastic and competent. Do you encourage his curiosity about sex?

Sexuality is important. Naturally, your toddler will have questions about where babies come from and why boys and girls are physically different from each other. Sure, these questions can be embarrassing, especially when they are asked when you are in public, but whenever you see your little one curious or confused about sex, you have a very precious opportunity. You can show your toddler you admire his curiosity and that you want him to learn about all kinds of important things, including sex.

If you can talk to your child now about sex, it will be much easier for both of you to talk about it later, as he grows and as his sexual attitudes and behavior become more important to him and to his relationship with others.

You can expect your toddler to wonder about babies and where they come from. Tell him the truth in words that he can understand, something like “Babies grow in a special place inside the mother.” You may simply say that babies are made by mothers and fathers together. You could explain that the father’s sperm comes into the mother through the father’s penis.

Your child’s early sexual concerns and questions may be about the differences between men and women. Little girls may wonder why they have no penis; boys may worry that they could lose their penis. You can help your child learn that boys and girls are born with different genitals. Your toddler should know the correct names for his body’s sexual parts. Teach him these as you teach him the names of other body parts.

All young children handle their genitals. Normal children like to explore all parts of their bodies. When they handle their genitals and find that this feels good, they may rub them. They may masturbate when they feel bored or upset.

Some masturbation does no harm. It is normal, and it is best for you to ignore it. If you try to stop it and tell your children that it is bad, they may feel that they are naughty, or that sex or sexual feelings are bad.

Get Ready for Toilet Training

Most girls are ready for toilet training at about age 2, most boys at about 2½. You should not rush toilet training, but there are some things you can do when you think your child is ready to be trained to use the toilet. Teach your child the words he needs to ask to go to the toilet. A good time to do this is when you change his diaper. Tell him why you are changing him, “You peed and made your diaper wet” or “You had a BM (or pooped or bowel movement).” Show him and tell him the word for the toilet or potty chair you will want him to use.

Some children will let you know when they need to go to the toilet by saying the words, pulling your hand or tugging at their diaper. When they are ready for training, it helps to dress them in loose-fitting training pants they can pull off easily.

When your child shows he wants to go to the toilet, sit with him at least the first few times. Don’t give him toys to play with, and don’t insist that he sit on the toilet when he wants to get off, even if he has not “done” anything. Always compliment him for his successes; don’t criticize or punish his accidents.

Health: A New Immunization for Toddlers

Each year in the United States, thousands of children suffer from HIB meningitis, which is an inflammation of the covering of the brain caused by HIB bacteria. The disease is commonly called spinal meningitis. It can cause brain damage and is believed to be one of the most common causes of mental retardation in young children who were normal at birth.

The HIB bacteria is spread from person to person. HIB meningitis can strike any child, but children who attend child care centers and have contact with more children are at greater risk than children who stay at home.
HIB meningitis immunizations are given at 18 months. Although the HIB meningitis immunization is not legally required, most departments of health strongly recommend that all children 18 months and older attending child care centers receive the shots.

Watch Out: Keep Your Child Car-Safe

Your child darts around quickly now. He probably likes to run more than he likes to walk. He doesn’t know what things could hurt him and may suddenly do something dangerous. Don’t let him play near the street. Always hold his hand when you are in a parking lot or crossing a street or driveway. Use a car safety seat every time your child is in the car. Buckle the safety seat in the car with the car’s seat belt. Never leave your little one alone in the car.

Nutrition: New Foods Are Strange Foods

It isn’t easy for a toddler to switch from baby foods to adult foods. Your toddler probably won’t be happy when she finds a new food on her plate. In fact she, like most toddlers, probably won’t eat a new food the first time it’s offered.

When your child rejects a new food, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like it. It means she’s a little afraid of it and needs some time to get used to it. Here are some things you can do to help:

Most toddlers would be happy to eat nothing except three or four favorite foods. To be well nourished, they need variety. Fix many different kinds of food for your toddler, not just a few favorites. Help her enjoy foods like milk, yogurt, cheese, fruits, vegetables, breads, rice, cereals, fish, chicken, meat, eggs, peanut butter, and beans.

Homemade Toys That Teach

A Shape Board

Purpose: This toy can help children learn about shapes and about similarities and differences.

Making the toy: Draw and color in simple shapes on the cardboard with colored crayon: a circle, a square, a triangle and a star. Then draw, color and cut out matching shapes from white paper.

Playing: Show your child how to match the cut-out shapes to the shapes drawn on the board. Talk about the pieces, naming their shapes. Ask her to put the star on the star, the circle on the circle, the square on the square, and so on. Remember, play this and any game only as long as it is fun for both of you. Encourage and praise your child’s efforts; do not criticize her failures.

Games for Growing

Color Learning

Purpose of the Game: To help your child learn to match colors and begin to learn their names.

Other Color Games

Have your child tell you the names of colors in stoplights or on television, in magazines or on signs. Put together different things that are of the same color and ask your child what is the same about them. Help your child use crayons or colored pictures to learn the names of the colors.

Blindfold Guessing

Purpose of the Game: To help your child name objects he cannot see. This way, he learns to put the name of the object together with the way it feels.

Other Blindfold Guessing Games

Put familiar things in a box or paper bag and ask your child to put his hand in the box or bag and tell you what he feels, or ask him to take out of the box or bag the items that you name without looking at them.

Questions and Answers

Q. What do I do about my almost 2-year-old who bites and hits other children? Should I hit and bite her back?

A. Sometimes, when young children play together, they push, hit, slap or bite. Biting and forceful hitting must be stopped right away. Most children bite and hit when they are feeling angry. When your little one bites you or another child, say firmly, “No. Biting hurts.” Move her to a safe place, look her in the eyes and say, “Stay here until you feel calmer. I cannot let you bite.” After a minute or two, ask her if she is ready to play again without biting or hitting. If she says yes, let her return to her play.

Never bite or hit your daughter back. This does not stop this behavior. In fact, it may make her believe that biting is all right. Most children who bite do so for only a short time. Hitting may continue for a longer time than biting.

Help your toddler learn better ways to handle her anger. Teach her to substitute words like “stop that,” “go away” or “I don’t like that” for hitting and biting.

When your little one substitutes words for hurting, praise her with words and hugs and say, “You did a good job of using words instead of hurting.” As your daughter learns to express her feelings in words, hitting and biting will decrease.

Sources

Contributors

Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem